I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
