am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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