I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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