you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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