Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
