paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
