I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
