I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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