the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
