Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Still dying that you shit outside
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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