If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
