He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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