erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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