you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
