some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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