Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
