He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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