I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
