So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
