Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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