I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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