biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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