I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
