I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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