Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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