i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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