Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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