You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she was so not down for the gang bang
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
