I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
