I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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