So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
