before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
