eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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