What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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