it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
