she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
