What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
