This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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