and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I didn't notice because vodka
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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