And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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