i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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