At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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