I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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