no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
BRING THE BAGELS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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