Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
