Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
