we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
