I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
