i permit you to call me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
