The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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