Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
