carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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