I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
