Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
