You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
